Bear Withdrawal

I realized today that the primary reason that I've been so anxious and uptight recently is because I am experiencing bear withdrawal. There's been a general lack of bears in my life these past few weeks, and it's starting to show. I used to be surrounded in bears, but now I've scarcely seen a single one in ages. They no longer roam the streets of New York looking for salmon and a place to hibernate, as they once did. There are no longer any bears in my apartment, at least none that I can find. They seem to have become utterly absent from my life.

So the real question is - where did all the bears go? It could just be their off season (hibernation), but I think the real reason for their disappearance is because of the declining economy. Given the current job market, very few businesses want to hire bears these days. Bears are stereotyped as being unproductive and even destructive at times, and their inability to speak English, or any other language, can be a serious drawback when trying to run a business. Also, their dietary habits, such as eating their co-workers, can sometimes cause companies major financial setbacks. So it stands to reason that when companies are downsizing, the first employees to get fired are always bears.

I blame it on the Bush administration.



- Matthew